Goodbye 2012

It was a year of falling down and standing back up to kick ass. It was a year of making new friends and sticking to the old. It was a year of rediscovering the importance of family. It was a year of knowing 'what I don't want to be', even if 'what I want to be' is vague. It was a year of proving some douchebags wrong. It was a year of learning, growing and moving on. Thank you to the ones who came into my life and made it better and the ones who left and made me stronger :) 2012 has been kind. Bring it on, 2013! Happy new year! :D

Small Joys!

1. Coincident meetings.
2. Oh my god! Trending in India.
3. Pasta for lunch! #win
4. Unexpected compliment. *blush*
5. SALE! 
6. Happy Hours! *dances*
7. Jalebis. Mmm.
8. Baarish! *dances again*
9. Wine in the fridge. #win
10. Chocolate in the fridge #doublewin
11. SALE!
12. 'Cute guy likes your photo.'
13. Ragda Pattice and Kalakhatta Gola
14. Surprises! 
15. Karaoke
16. Andaz Apna Apna on TV
17. Hot Chocolate
18. Old music
19. XL T-shirts
20. Rasgullas. *burp*
21. Rainbows
22. Cheesecake!
23. Long drives
24. Longer rides
25. and the list goes on...

I'm busy, you are busy. But don't forget to make some time for the smaller things in life. Someday, they will be the things that really mattered.

Let's not grow up...

Everyone asks you to grow up. All the time. My mom says, "Clean your room, pick up your books, set your wardrobe, grow up already!" Dad says, "Stop being on the phone all the time, don't text while eating, sleep early, grow up!" I tell myself, "Stop being silly, take life seriously, it's time to grow up." 

In a month, I turn 24, 6 years since I was 18. 6 years, since I became an adult. I still don't know where I am headed in life, I still don't know when I will be five years from now. Does that make me sad? I still don't know.

Today, while watching a video from school, I realized how quickly we have grown up, or grown out of things. Grown out of friendships, grown out of families, grown out of innocence. How is growing up a good thing then? 

I still love making cards on  birthdays, I still love my room messy, I still love talking on the phone for hours, I still love stuffing my face with chocolate cakes and I still love sleeping late and waking up even later. Being grown up doesn't make me happier, it makes me try to convince myself that I'm happier. So let's do ourselves a favour, and let's not grow up, if it means, being serious, unhappy, constant and boring. I'd rather be spontaneous and silly? 

Agree?

Death

"Hear me out, hear me out!"
She screached.
"Just once, hear me out."
She pleaded.

The voices around were too loud.
She was trying to be louder. Failed.
Nobody could here her choking voice.
Nobody could see her wither.

~C

#TweetAStory : Part II

Like I say, a pinch of reality, mixed in a bowl of fiction. Round two of #TweetAStory. Keep the comments coming in. 

1] She pulled her hair back into a neat bun. Picked up her bag, wore her heels and set out to face another day. Another day of not being herself.

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2] She looked into the mirror; tried to search for herself. Behind the cheerful, vibrant mask, there was a timid, naive her. Lost, somewhere.

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3] The irking ray of the sun woke her up, her eyes hurt. She had cried herself to sleep. She felt hungover, sore. She hid in her blanket; safe & warm.

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4] Her first day at work, a whole new world; excited & nervous. Her eyes full of dreams; oblivious, that the leech will suck out all the innocence.

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5] His heart raced everytime he saw her. She looked pretty even on her worst hair days. To her, he was a buddy. To him, she was just a dream.

 ~C

#TweetAStory

140 characters, shortest stories ever. Feedback will be appreciated.


1] He looked at her through the corner of his eye. And then he noticed her wedding ring. One piece of accessory, too many invisible walls.

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2] Her favourite corner of the room. She spent all her lonely moments there. For everyone else, it was just a corner, for her, a companion.

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3] She went back to the pages of her diary.The ink had smudged, the words, unclear. She remembered crying. She read everything but felt, nothing.

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4] She smiled & said, 'I'm cool'. Everyone got back to what they were doing. Her heart cried, for the first time, she hated being around people.

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5] His eyes spoke a thousand words.His silence, a million.This was the hardest unspoken conversation they had ever had. It ended, with a goodbye.

~C

Short Story: The Day

She stepped out of the shower and her hands trembled as she scrubbed her perfect black curls, dry. She knew this was it; it was the day when he was going to pop the big question to her. Last evening, he had invited her to a lavish dinner at one of the most expensive rooftop restaurants in the city. 'Friday, 9 PM, Aer. It's a date!' She read the message every ten minutes. It made her smile nervously every time she read it.

She sat in front of the mirror, thinking to herself what would she wear? She had waited for this for seven long years, and it was finally happening. She wanted to look her best, on this day. "Should I wear the yellow dress that he loves the most? Or maybe something that he's never seen me in before?" She wasn’t too fond of the colour, but he loved it, so it didn’t matter. So many thoughts crawling in and out of her mind, it had to be a flawless night.

She walked to her wardrobe and tried eleven outfits before she chose one. It wasn't the same dress, but it was his favourite colour, yellow. She let her hair loose, just the way he liked it, with the curls falling on her back and just some, on her face. She wore diamond earrings, stilettoes and carried a clutch bag. She checked her watch; it was ten minutes to nine. It would take her twenty minutes to cover the distance from her house to the restaurant. He was never late, which was one of the traits about him, she adored the most. He would make certain he reached before time; he hated to make her wait. She took one last look at herself, before stepping out of home and took a deep breath knowing that she won’t be single again. It was 'the day'.

On her journey to Aer, she recalled all the special moments she had cherished with him. How she’d wake him up every morning with a phone call, ‘There’s no better way of starting my day, than hearing your voice’, he always said. How she would innocently act silly when he was low, just to make him smile. How they would cuddle on the couch and watch movies every weekend. Their little fights over Chinese food or Italian, he loved the latter. Meaningless conversations in the middle of the night, unexpected surprises on no special occasions, everything came back to her in a flash. She was beaming, impatiently!

She reached the restaurant in fifteen minutes flat, fortunately, without any traffic blocking her way. The restaurant was swarming, it being a Friday evening. She tried to search for his face between the other faces, her heart beating fast and loud as ever. He was nowhere to be seen; she asked the receptionist if there was a reservation. To her surprise, the receptionist informed her that the reservation in her name had been cancelled an hour ago. Her heart skipped a beat. She didn't want to think too much yet. She took out her phone from her clutch and called him, the phone was unreachable. She tried again, but she couldn’t get through him. She was blank, not knowing what to do, not knowing what was happening.

It felt as if someone had just taken a knife and stabbed her. 'Was there an emergency? He would’ve informed if there was one. Had he changed his mind? Maybe he realized I wasn't the one? Maybe he wasn't in love with me? Should I wait for him here?' She felt wounded, a hundred questions, a million doubts. Her blood speeding through her veins, a lump in her throat, she held back her tears. This couldn't be happening to her. She walked out of the restaurant, her feet trembling, the heels beginning to hurt. She got into a cab, and the next fifteen minutes, were like fifteen years. Tears rolling down her cheeks, heart aching, mind full of questions. 'How could he? Why would he?'

She could hear every piece of her broken heart calling out to him, to know what happened, where did she go wrong? She skipped the elevator and took the stairs, took off her heels while walking up, and with every step thought about how her most anticipated moment never really arrived. She reached the third floor, took out the keys from below the door mat and opened the door.

She hated to be back home, she was still single, now, lonelier than ever. She walked inside, and it was dark. She could smell something funny, something aromatic. She switched on the lights and as she turned, she saw a hundred roses in her living room. He was there, down on his knees, with his head bent low. 'This was the last time that tear came into your eye. Home is where the heart is, and what better place to do this than home itself', he whispered. She was dumbstruck; it was happening, her moment, their moment, had arrived. 'Will you be mine, forever?', he said. The tears had not stopped, but the feeling of hurt had been substituted with the feeling of happiness, love and excitement. 'YES!' She exclaimed. And that was indeed, ‘The Day’, the perfect fairy tale ending, or rather, the beginning of their story. 

 ~C

This story was  featured on Laptoplit under the fiction section.

Conversation with an 8 year old!

I recently had a very intense conversation with my 8 year old cousin. Sometimes, you get the best advice from the most unexpected sources. Since it helped me change my perception towards life, I thought I'll share it and spread the word.

Me: So, hows school?

Him: School is boring, but after that I get to play. So it's fun to play after a boring day at school.

Me: Do you like your teacher?

Him: She is alright. We are small so she can't get very angry on us. *beams* Do you go to school?

Me: No, I go to office. But I'm feeling sad. What do you do when your sad?

Him: *thinks for 3 seconds* Me? Ummm, I come home and tell mamma to cook my favourite lunch. I sit in the living room and wait for it. When I can smell the food almost ready, I feel happy instantly :D

Me: Wow. But we have one life, so much to achieve.

Him: One life? *puzzled* No, in my PSP, I get three lives. And if I play well, I get more and more lives. I have to defeat the monsters, jump through the fire, and collect coins. (pretty much what we have to do, eh?) 

Me: Will you teach me?

Him: I have passed all levels, killed all the monsters. I can teach you! Then you will also be able to kill all the monsters! *excitedly runs to get the PSP*

So yeah, I pretty much learnt how to kill all the monsters. Let's hope going forward I can do that in my life as well :)

Thank you my little Mario! You've been a great inspiration.

Note to self

Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. But you don't have to react to every act, sometimes, you just have to wait for the boomerang called karma to come back and hit the person in the face. The universe has its ways, it will never disappoint you. Revenge is never a better option over patience. Think positive, be good and feel good, about yourself and the people around you. 

Hurt is good, it makes you realize how many people actually care. Move on with life, love yourself and don't think too much before doing anything. It will just complicate, everything. Whatever has to happen, will happen and will happen for the best. Use your mind to learn more and think less. Let no one or nothing stop you from moving ahead. If people dislike you, let them, don't waste your time trying to change them or the way they think. Give them love, they're deprived, but focus more on the people who already love you. The former, probably, need it more but the latter, undoubtedly, deserve it more. If someone or something you love wants to leave you, let them. Their loss.

Be kind, loyal, honest and smile. A lot! And most importantly, be strong. The world is not so kind,  bullies will come in your way at all time. But guess what, bullies are usually fat, use Pepperspray and run! They'll never be able to catch up with you.

The day you can look back in time and laugh at yourself and your situation then, you'll come out a winner.

-C

Teri Yaad....

Teri yaadon se hum lipat kar so gaye,

Raat ke andhere mein tanha se reh gaye,

Jab subah ki pehli kiran chubti aankhon ko rulaayi,

Teri yaad, shayad uss pal, teri yaad aayi.

Ek anjaani raah par hum chal diye,

Na koi laksh, na koi manzil ke liye,

Jab apni hi dhadkano ki awaaz gunjti chali aayi,

Teri yaad, shayad uss pal, teri yaad aayi.

Un sab ke beech khud ko akela paakar,

Apno mein khud ko begaana paakar,

Jab sab ke chehre mein dikhi teri parchayi,

Teri yaad, shayad uss pal, teri yaad aayi.

Gam ke aansu jaise aadat ban gaye,

Patjhad ke pattey mohabbat ban gaye,

Jab jab humne palak jhapkayi,

Teri yaad, uss pal, har pal, teri yaad aayi.

~C

PS: This is my first attempt at Hindi poetry. Feedback is more than welcome :)

Epitome of chaos

Back and forth, back and forth,

the thoughts in her head go.

Back and forth, like an unbalanced chair,

Compelling her to think, over and over again.

They say the grass is greener on the other side.

Reality says, it isn't.

Things in the mirror are closer than they appear.

Geddit?

Too many things scattered in the head,

Running around like mice in a pantry full of food,

Atleast the mice can have fun, 

Without worrying about calories, cholesterol and the other 'c's of life.

They say, life is short, work hard party harder.

But why try so hard, to do everything harder?

Life is short, so relax,

Laugh, get drunk, sleep for over 12 hours on weekends.

Note to self: don't overanalyze.

Note number two to self: don't confuse yourself.

And if the sticky notepad is not over yet,

Note number three to self: don't confuse others. 

PS: There's too much chaos in the head, my head, your head, so don't try to get the meaning out of this post. If you still are trying to decode it, read note number one to self, again.


~C

Choices...

In the walk of life, sometimes you come across crossroads.

There are no directions that show you the right way.

It’s that time of the day, when google maps won’t help either.

You have to make the choice, which route you want to take.

And that’s when; you follow your gut.

Maybe you’ll lose your way; maybe you’ll wander for a bit,

But in the end, you will reach your target; you will hoist your flag.

Don’t be afraid of getting lost, don’t be afraid of stumbling.

Losers are not really losers,

Falling is acceptable, not getting back on your feet isn’t.

Failing is acceptable, not trying isn’t.

“I need to find my way out of this and I will.

There’s nothing to be afraid of, my road sense has never been great.

I have tripped, lurched and bruised myself.

But at the end of the tunnel, there’s light.

I need to find my way out of this.

And I will, I will.”

~C

The Demon Calls...

Closer she went to the pane,

Eyes with fright, hands trembling,

She threw the windows open,

A silent wind slithered through her hair.

Someone humming a wobbly tune,

But no one could she see.

Boom! It swiftly hit her head,

And on the floor, she was left to be.


~C

Letter To An Older Me....

Dear Older Me,

When you look back at your life from where you stand now, you feel happy and crazy to do everything you did then. You are still not afraid of taking risks. You still love fighting, especially for your rights. You're more confident, more successful and more content with how your life is.

You are now more stable, emotionally and mentally. You can handle things better. Hopefully you cry less, dance more and can handle alcohol better. You hate nobody and have atleast 2x times the friends you did then. You still love Maggi and Coffee.

You are now a proud owner of a car, a wardrobe full of belts, bags and shoes. And also those Jimmy Choo's! You still  love yourself as much as you did, infact even more!

Hopefully, you're more sensible yet unpredictable, more mature yet childlike, more content yet competitive, more organized yet messy and more loved.

Even if you're not all of the above, remember, you were and you still are the best!

Lots of love,
Younger Me!

Let go...

Sometimes when you’re lost, you need that one thing to show you directions. When you can’t find your way out of a dense maze, you need that one beam of light. Most of us feel like that all the time, so do I. This is not an attempt to pass on any learning or gyaan to people around me, I’m sure you get that all the time. It’s just a little bit of sharing and a little bit of venting. I recently discovered that the directions I look for, more often than not, only I can figure out. The beam of light that I need, frequently, comes from within and not anywhere outside. 

I believe in myself, I believe that my life will steer the side I want it to. Nobody has control over how I feel, the more I feel sorry for myself; the more miserable I will be. The more I encourage myself, the more self-motivated I will be. There’s no point in holding anybody else responsible for the happiness or grief you are facing, it’s neither the circumstance nor an individual, it’s by choice. Make your choice, be happy, be content, love unconditionally, dance, sing aloud, let go, cause trust me, you’re truly blessed with everything you have.

~C

The Rollercoaster Ride!

It’s funny when you get really close to some people around you in no time and you know that once you are out of sight, you might even be out of their minds. It’s ironical, when you think about your life without them and it feels weird, because you’re so used to seeing them every day, or rather every weekday, even though it’s not for a really long time span. But I’ve been fortunate enough to meet some special people like that in a few phases of my life, like this one.  

When I first walked into burrp!, the people around me included one long-time friend and a million other strangers. Today, when I’m all set to walk out, I can proudly say that I have turned atleast a few of those million strangers into really good friends and some moments spent with them into life time memories. From singing meaningless songs to making up rural nicknames, this was the weirdest lot of people I have come across (even though I fitted in perfectly). And now when I’m leaving I’m happy to have worked in a place filled with ‘wackos’ (as Ro would put it) and I’m going to miss each one of them, immensely! :(

Love,

Me!

Breakthrough

Locked inside a room where no one could see her
She embraced herself to feel warmer than she was.
He wanted to come to her rescue
But he didn’t know how.

She tried to reach out to the door
To knock really hard, to call out to him
But a compelling force, kept her from doing so
She just couldn’t proceed.

He, on the other side of the door,
Tried to kick it open
But an invisible obstacle kept him from doing so
He just couldn’t succeed.

She tried to scream,
But the voice wouldn’t come out
She tried to rub herself warm
But the coldness wouldn’t condense

He tried to call out to her
But his voice wouldn’t pass through
He tried to make her feel secure
But he knew it wasn’t happening

They had to leap over this hurdle
To get to each other,
And they will,
Cause they have the powerful weapon

The weapon of love
That will break through every barrier
That will erase out all the boundaries
And they will live, happily ever after.

2 to 22

The countdown began
At 60 days to go.
Closed on the 4th of August,
Nothing could stop me
From being keyed up
Not lukewarm friends
Not the-fed-up family
Nothing in the world

But then, I turned 21.
Adulthood jinxed my excitement
Yes that was a full stop
No more countdowns.
No more animation
Only despair
Blah!

Hopefully, not.
I’m two days away from 22.
Please inject in some thrill
Calling out for help.
SOS!

Unbreakable

A damsel in distress

She really was

Anxious, restless, fretful

Confused, uncertain, doubtful

She could never be sure

Of what she really wanted

The directions were never clear

The road was never smooth

She got affected

By every inch of negativity

Around her, Within her

All she did was, cry.

Until this one day

That she decided

To be happy.

Period.

No one can help you

It’s just you,

Who decides your fate

Your happiness, your potential

If you decide to be happy

You will

If you decide to whimper

You will

No one can change you

It’s just you

Who decides what you want

And what you deserve

If you decide to brawl

You will

If you decide to pacify

You will

And then she decided

To do just that

Stay happy with herself

For herself

So no matter how hard you try

To alarm her

It doesn’t matter.

She doesn’t care.

She has made her choice

To stay happy

Stay unaffected

Stay unbreakable.

Seeking Exit

 

She walks and walks
And then everything’s dark
It’s a deep dark tunnel
With nothing good about it

The road is clear
But she trips
Over and over again
No ruts, no hitches

Tears rolling down
A lump in her throat
There’s no one around her
Nobody but the eerie murk

She feels sore
She feels disconnected
From the world, from everyone
From herself

She hates it
No one to talk to
No one to embrace
She likes being alone, not

Until she hears a voice
“There’s light ahead my dear
Only if you manage to cross this
Ur not alone!”

She looks around
But no one
She feels a force
A force around her

Compelling her to fight
Fight against the gloom
She was alone
But not unaccompanied

She will battle
Against this fiery monster
She walks and walks
And it’s still dark